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df parizeau (they/them) is a scottish/franco-ontarian editor, writer, and bookseller who still ties their shoes “bunny-ears” style. Their work has been featured online and in print by publications in Canada, Finland, the UK, and the US. df currently resides and writes on the traditional and unceded land of the Kwantlen, Katzie, and the Semiahmoo nations in so-called Surrey, BC. They are currently working on their first full length manuscript, which explores the dialogue between a body suffering through chronic pain and memory.
“‘Your Ex-Lover is Dead’ is in response to the Stars song ‘Your Ex-Lover is Dead’ while also drawing inspiration from medical assessment charts.”
Your ex-lover is dead
they have (circle all that apply)
gained / lost weight in their
cheeks / chin / soft spot under their clavicle where you used to nestle / hips / butt / calves
they have shaved / grown out / trimmed
their mutton chops / designer stubble that irritated
you every time you necked / soul patch / fu-manchu / james harden
their hair is
longer / shorter / has bangs / asymmetrical
is now blue / green / leopard spotted / ombre / bleached
like all your favourite grunge singers of the 90s / the same colour
as on your first date / first kiss / the day you both
came out to their parents / September 11th 2001
they have entered
a goth / punk / hardcore / otaku (even though they constantly
told you anime is dumb) / country music phase
and now
collect commemorative spoons / stamps / vinyl records / vintage ties like the ones
your dad used to wear to amateur stand up night / comic books / old transit tickets
they now walk with
a swagger / a limp / a mobility aid
that your sister helped them pick out / a spring in their step / with their shoulders hunched
they
lost their job / got a raise / went backpacking around Europe
plan to backpack around Europe when the pandemic is over / are up for a
promotion / transferred cities
they are having
better / worse / gayer / much
gayer / neither objectively or subjectively
different / kinkier
sex than you had with them
they’ve blocked you on
twitter / facebook / Instagram / myspace even though your profile has been inactive since 2005 /
pinterest
swiped right on you
accidentally / for the laugh / out of sympathy
shortly after your ex-lover died, they boxed up all of the things you left at their place and
buried the box / burned it along with all the cutouts of your face from old
photos / put it out with their trash / mailed it to you COD / brought it to
your place of an employment
handed you the box with
a smirk / a scowl / tears in their eyes / handed it to your boss instead
and they
never / might possibly / aren’t expecting to / hear from you ever again
your ex-lover is dead and their / your life is
better / better / better / better
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