Noah “Noah Farberman” Farberman (he/him) is a Toronto writer and comedian. Noah has been published in Storm Cellar, Rabid Oak, Raven Review, Perhappened, ISSUE 3 of long con, and elsewhere. His work is forthcoming in Pioneertown and Applebeard Edition. Currently, Noah studies Creative Writing at the University of Toronto Scarborough Campus.
“I was lucky enough to see Schindler’s List in a theatre when my local Cineplex hosted an old classics series. I loved the movie. When I love something, I want to explore, parody it, enjoy it in all areas of my life. At the beginning of the showing, Steven Spielberg (director) reminded the audience that now was just as important a time to keep the themes the movie presents in conversation. This was probably two or three years ago now. So, let’s keep it in conversation. If I hope for anything with this piece, it’s that it makes you laugh and sparks your interest in this movie.”
INT. OFFICE – DAY
MR. NEILSON smokes a cigarette at his desk.
His accountant KINGSLEY finishes his company update.
I know it was never said between
us, but I appreciate you allowing
me to use your factory as a haven
for war refugees.
As long as I’m seeing profit, what
you do on the side will be
overlooked, Kingsley. Is there
anything else?
There is a worker who stops by
every so often in hopes of thanking
you for his employment. This will
just take a second.
Kingsley opens the door and brings in WIGGUMS. Wiggums has one arm.
Thank you for having me on staff, I
would have been killed in the war
if it wasn’t for you, sir. Godbless.
Yes, of course. Thank you for your
hard work.
Neilson shakes Wiggums’s hand and Kingsley escorts him out.
Kingsley, he had one arm! Why is he
working here?
He is very essential to the company.
He operates the metal press.
That sounds horribly inefficient.
Don’t send anyone else in. I feel
like someone trapped in a trench.
Pained and scared, but proud of
your work?
Uncomfortable. Not again.
Of course, sir, you see there is
just one more person who stops by
every day to say thanks.
Kingsley opens the door and BOBBY enters. Bobby has no arms.
Thank you, sir. Because of my
employment, sir, I might make it
through the war and finally be able
to hold my daughter.
Yes of course.
Neilson nods and Bobby is escorted out.
Kingsley, that man has no arms!
He is essential to the work force.
How?
He operates the metal press.
How?
Listen, you hired me to run the
company while you make sure
everything looks good. Now there is
one more employee who wants to meet
you and then we can move on.
Kingsley opens the door and a dead body falls into the room.
This one is dead!
Dead set on operating the metal
press, sir.
How many metal presses do we have?
Just one but it takes three guys
and one arm to operate.
No. You have built the final straw.
This is still a factory, Kingsley,
and I very much doubt I am making
any profit paying these part-body
workers.
But sir, you are mistaken. I am
making you much money. The
average worker is paid by the arm.
Employees without any arms are
free. We are making a lot of money
here.
Oh, I see. Well in that case.
Neilson bends down and shakes one of the corpse’s limp hands.
Blackout.
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