Courtney Bates-Hardy is the author of Anatomical Venus (Radiant Press, 2024), House of Mystery (2016), and a chapbook, Sea Foam (JackPine Press, 2013). Her poems have appeared in Event, Vallum, PRISM, and This Magazine, among others. Anatomical Venus was shortlisted for two Saskatchewan Book Awards. Her poems have been featured in The Best Canadian Poetry and nominated for a Pushcart Prize. She is queer and disabled, and one-quarter of a writing group called The Pain Poets.
“After my coming out, I was subjected to the familial rejection and estrangement that so many queer people experience. When I watched Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein (2025) in theatres, I was struck with a new understanding of the creature’s desire to be acknowledged, accepted, and loved by his creator. I chose the pantoum form for this poem to represent the feeling of taking one step forward and two steps back in the attempts to repair the severed bonds with my family.”
On screen, the monster says, I am obscene to you, but to myself, I simply am. I’m back in the therapist’s office with my parents, watching the snow fall. I know what I want to receive, but I don’t think they can give it to me. I repeat the monster’s words and hope they will make me real.
I’m back in the therapist’s office with my parents, watching the snow fall. The monster demands a single grace from his creator: if you are not to award me love, then I will indulge in rage. I repeat the monster’s words and hope they will make me real. I read about the value of anger and how it must be heard in order to disappear.
The monster demands a single grace from his creator: if you are not to award me love, then I will indulge in rage. Will my rage dissipate into the snow the longer I sit in this therapist’s office? I read about the value of anger and how it must be heard in order to disappear. The therapist asks my parents to apologize, but my ribs ring hollow.
Will my rage dissipate into the snow the longer I sit in this therapist’s office? The monster walks into the middle distance, swallowed by light. The therapist asks my parents to apologize, but my ribs ring hollow. I have been created this way, made monstrous in the eyes of my family.
The monster walks into the middle distance, swallowed by light. I withdraw from those who try to come near. I have been created this way, made monstrous in the eyes of my family. I am obscene to you, but to myself, I simply am.
